A childhood that never stayed still ( part 2 )

Welcome back to Part 2. We're going to be doing probably

part ones and part twos to these because there's a lot to talk

about in one topic. So navigating that and also just

going into everything that we are going to be talking about,

it probably is going to take a couple episodes.

And knowing how me and Kayleen are, it is you know, it, it can

go for a while, but we won't we won't keep you guys like hung up

on one thing for too long. But we are going to continue

talking about what we talked about last time.

So we're excited to have you guys back, everyone that's back

for this episode. Kaylene, aren't you excited?

I am. I am so excited.

So we are going to pick up on Maine.

I know it kind of, you know, we kind of got sidetracked a little

bit. It's kind of hard to focus on

one topic when there's just so much to talk about within that

topic and how we were affected and how it shaped us to who we

are now. So with Maine, I think we, so we

were talking about Maine. I know we were kind of going

back and forth on like trying to revert to what we had been

talking about. So with Maine, that is where I

was sharing oh, that I felt like I had lost hope.

And then you had asked kind of diving into that.

So I think I kind of want to touch up on that again, because

when it came to Maine, it's I did lose hope.

I feel like I went into a black hole.

I feel like that that hope drug on for so long, but then also

like it, my hope was so strong that it did 'cause me at a

certain point to lose hope. So with Maine, it was honestly,

Maine was short though Kayleen, like I don't feel like we were

there that long, but I mean, like I remember when we moved

into that place, like it was very empty.

Another thing that I did want to like mention moving forward is I

feel like in the last episode, I really pressed on change.

Now I I just kind of wanted to dive in myself really quick

before I let Kayleen talk a little.

Bit no, you're good. You're good.

Go ahead. With change, I also like I do

recovery things outside of the podcast we both do and just

working on ourselves. And when I speak of change, it

is such a powerful thing in anybody's life.

When you make a change in any situation, any relationship,

friendship, whatever you have going on in your life, making

any kind of change can be, you know, a very huge shift.

So when I'm speaking in like terms of change and expressing

that, I also want to be aware that when you make a change,

it's like even in a relationship with God, it can look like

anything school, getting a different teacher, you know,

getting into a new relationship, anything you have a new lens on.

It's like you're putting a pair of glasses on and you're seeing

clearer, right? Because now you have another

perspective and you look at things differently because

everything that happens in life happens for a reason.

And once you get out of a situation, there's always going

to be something that comes always, no matter what it is,

there's always going to be something in life that you're

learning and navigating and trusting, right?

So with with the glasses scenario that I'm Speaking of,

because I, this was a realization realization for me

recently. It's like I'm putting I got

these glasses on and I'm seeing clear, but that doesn't take

away when I take off the glasses.

That doesn't take away what I see before, you know what I'm

saying. Does that make sense, Kayleen?

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

It's like you still have all of this that you're seeing and how

you see it before, and you remember that when you put your

glasses on, you're more thankful for the clear eyes, eyesight.

So when it comes to change, I think it is important for me and

my life to remember that things do look very differently total

180 from how we grew up and changes that we've made from to

where I'm at now. And just because I'm where I'm

at now, it doesn't mean that my eyesight from before

disappeared. So it's like I still have, you

know, and going a little deeper, it's like I still have all the

knowledge, all the pain, all the trauma from what has happened in

life, even though I'm walking differently.

It's it's still there and it's, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. So I just wanted to like express

that with the whole change thing because I think it sounds so

much easier said than done. When you make a change in

something, it just sounds so much easier said than done.

So Kaylene, I don't know, do you want to talk more about Maine or

do you want to move forward? Yeah, we can move forward from

it because I feel like we kind of, I feel like we touched on a

lot of because I, I'm trying to think of what else I could say

about it, but I feel like I kind of, you know, said everything

about Maine anyways, so. Yeah, and so I expressed how I

found a letter. It put hope in me and all of

that. So I don't remember where we

went after Maine. I have no idea.

Do you? No, I don't either.

It's hard to navigate and me and Kayleen have talked about this a

lot. So to whoever is listening,

we're speaking to you too. Me and my sister are speaking to

each other, but we're we're also speaking to you and sharing with

you. So it is hard for me and Kayleen

to navigate because we moved around so much.

We have tried pinpointing, you know, when we're who.

And so we still kind of struggle in that area.

So with Maine, I have no idea, but I think we could talk about

Ohio. OK.

So basically where we left off on the last podcast was we kind

of finished it with talking about feeling alone and you

don't regardless of what you're going through in life, you might

feel alone and that like time, but you definitely have you have

like God by your side, you and there I'm trying to see you

Also. You might feel alone as in like

maybe not having friends or or maybe you know, whatever the

circumstances are, but you also might not know, know somebody

specifically. But there are definitely other

people out there who's gone through the similar things or

gone through similar situations as you.

And talking about it, I feel like helps because whenever

you're talking about things, you might be like, Oh yeah, I

definitely, definitely went through that too.

And then you never know, like talking about your story, my

talking about your story might help somebody else open up and

talking about theirs. So I think that's where just

hope through and also building hope through conversations,

experiences and being vulnerable like to help create a space here

for that, but. Yeah, Yeah, I agree with you

making a space, an open space for listening to this podcast

and also opening up when we release the e-mail and other

platforms where people can start reaching out, that's also going

to be open too. And it's not in a way of, hey,

you don't have anyone to talk to, so reach out to us.

I mean, you can literally be in a room full of 20 people, even

if it's family, even if it's friends, school, and still feel

like the most alone person in the room because of how heavy

whatever you're dealing with, however heavy that feels like.

So we're speaking a lot on hope. Right I.

Feel like I interrupted you a little bit, no?

You didn't? No, I, I did.

But with that being said, we can talk about Ohio too, but I

didn't want to interrupt you keep you're good though.

So we're. We're Speaking of a place where

we're at right now when it comes to hope, looking back, meet

killing. Sometimes I feel like I speak

for the both of us so you can correct me, but I feel like with

where we're at now looking back, we had a lot of times where now

we can speak about hope because hope did carry us in certain

situations, but so did hopelessness.

I think I had a lot of points in my life where hopelessness was,

you know, a very heavy thing that I dealt with.

And we hopelessness came from lack thereof in terms of like

environments, people, family, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

And I'm going to say like in Ohio, I'm going to share a

scenario where it affected me pretty heavily in Ohio because,

OK, we were there with each other.

So I remember when we were in Ohio, we were upstairs and we

had been sleeping in a room and there wasn't a bed in it.

There wasn't anything in that room.

And because, Kaylene, we used to be outside a lot in Ohio, the

time that we were there, I feel like we were at the skate park a

lot, yeah. We were definitely at the skate

park. Oh, yeah.

That was Ohio where we were at then.

Yeah. And we I can't remember the.

I know me either there there was a.

Bunch of like, we made a lot of friends there too.

In that room, like I remember it being so hot and you two were

sleeping and I remember I was just like waving my hand over

you guys. You guys were sleeping on the

floor and it was just so hot and I don't know I Ohio made me

depressed. I feel like that's when that's

when the huge dynamic shifted and one of our parents came and

got us from that and a whole scenario within.

So I, Ohio was definitely a heavy state for me personally.

And I don't think that lasted too long either in Ohio because

I mean, we moved around a lot, but we didn't stay in those

states a lot. I mean, you can't really stay in

the states a lot when you move around.

I mean, you know what I mean, that many states before the age

of 13, you don't really have like a time, time to adjust or

anything like that. And that's why I was speaking

about change, because where we're at now, I feel like it

gave us the capability to adapt easier.

I feel like there's a lot of pros and cons to the life that

we lived. Do you want to say anything else

about Ohio? I feel like I feel like Ohio was

a little bit of a blur. I do know that the one of the

reasons why we were in Ohio was because I know that we as kids

were trying to think about it. So this I, I'm pretty sure that

we were, we were living in North Carolina and went to Ohio

because somebody, somebody was going to come pick us up because

there was like a 10 day period where we were needed to be back

in Michigan, which. I feel like we still don't have

the answers on SO, yeah. Yeah, I agree.

Another. Thing that I'm going to point

out as we're sharing these situations, mind you, this is

speaking from our experience and not anybody else's.

That's the reason why we're not saying names.

We're not exploiting who was in the scenarios.

We are primarily focusing on us and how we were affected.

I just want to, I, I know we've cleared it up, cleared it up a

couple times. But oh, you're right, Kayleen.

I feel like with our childhood, there are so many unanswered

questions. And one thing I've learned as

I've gone through healing and keep working on myself is I'm

learning that it's OK to not have answers sometimes.

And sometimes searching for answers can do more damage than

good. And sometimes it's just left

leaving things where they're at. I truly, that's how I feel about

it because at the end of the day, there are a lot of things

we're not going to get answers for.

And that's just what it is. We can ask 10 people.

I mean, you can walk into a grocery store.

I've experienced this first hand.

I've walked into a grocery store, asked four different

employees about one item. I got an answer that they didn't

have it in stock. I got an answer that it was in a

certain aisle. I got an answer that they needed

to check the back, and then I got another answer that they

didn't carry it. So with that, you can get a lot

of different. That was a question.

I went into the store with a question and I got very many

different answers and I left still not knowing the answer.

And I think it can be applied in real life.

You're asking questions and sometimes you just don't get the

answer. Again, that's from my

perspective, and that's just where my mind is at with certain

things because obviously there's a lot of situations in life

where there's answers. I'm speaking directly to our

situation, and I'm sure there's probably people out there who

can relate, who have questions, why did this happen?

How did this happen? Why did people let this happen?

Why did the people around let this happen?

And sometimes you just don't get those answers.

And at a certain point, you just have to walk out of the store,

walk out of the situation, you know?

So Helene, I'm going to, if you are good with it, I was going to

jump to Texas, OK. Yeah, that's that works.

That's fine. Let's.

Do it. Let's.

Do it. Sorry I Texas.

Did we talk? I can't remember what states we

had and hadn't talked about yet. So I'm trying to think if we

talked about Texas. Yeah.

I feel like we talked about West Virginia and Maine.

I feel like those are the only two we talked and then.

OK. Yeah.

OK. We did live in Texas, I think

for a couple of months maybe. Was it a couple of months?

I can't remember, but we wasn't there long, but we definitely

had experiences there as well. So we're going to share a little

bit about Texas and what kind of what we learned from it and.

So with Texas I, one of my favorite memories of Texas I OK,

here's another thing I've learned.

I spent 27 years, I'm just now getting to the point where I can

look at a scenario that we went through and see the sunflower

that's all the way back in the field when all the rest of it is

grass. I can see the light of the

sunflower and how it can light up the entire field.

Even though it's 1 sunflower in the entire field.

The power of it can, you know, add a lot of depth to it.

So with that being said, like the way I'm, I'm trying to

explain it, there was a lot of bad growing up.

I mean, there was a lot of bad and I've learned to look at a

situation and scenario and when I'm looking at it, I'm trying to

pick out the good. So I I just have really wanted

to also try to pick out the little bit of light that was in

situations. So with Texas, the person that

was taking care of us always like loved basketball, I feel

like, and they wanted to start a basketball league with the

teenagers. You remember Keeling?

Do you remember that with like the yes.

I, I, I you might. Not yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you Sorry? I know some things are hard to

remember. No, don't say sorry in Texas.

Right. But they wanted to start a a

little, Yeah, they wanted to start like a little basketball

league. So here's the thing.

I love basketball. One thing when we were younger,

we were like when we were with a certain person, we would get

into a sport, but we never got to finish the season.

Do you remember finishing anything that we did?

I remember being a basketball didn't finish that We I was an

upward. I think you did upward too, yes.

I did, I did. I definitely do didn't.

Finish right it's like everything that happened didn't

get finished right and I carried that into adulthood for a long

time I, I was starting something and I never finished it.

It's I think it was ingrained. I don't know, I, I think it's

something I've had to work on when I start something, finish

it just in general, right. Anyways, so that was like a

highlight of my time there and then the friends that we had

made outside, but I mean, things switched like the snap of a

finger. I.

Know exactly what you're talking about.

I just cannot remember what state it was in.

So it was in Texas that that had happened.

Because I do remember. I know what you're talking

about. I just can't remember.

Yeah. That was in Texas.

Like sometimes talking about it and talking to you, it helps you

remember certain certain things and where.

To for me, yeah, like. Vice versa, but anyways, OK, So

that happened in Texas, OK. Yeah, I can completely.

Agree with the like starting, you know, starting something and

then like you really have to push yourself to keep doing it

like. Right.

And with that to going a little bit more in depth with that,

This is why it takes us a little longer to explain because

talking about the states, it's not simply just we moved here

because of this. And then we moved here.

There's so much that happened that we went through in each

state that we learned or that we went through.

I mean, a lot of these states, we're talking about it now.

But in those moments, I, it, I was not, I, I just didn't even

know what was going on. I was like, what's happening?

Why are we moving so much? We never had anything.

We're bouncing, right? Right.

And sometimes, like people who were supposed to be there

weren't around a lot of the time or whatever you may have it.

And in Texas, like I said, in the snap of a finger, everything

changed. So we had met a family in North

Carolina when we were younger, and people who were supposed to

be around weren't around. Don't know.

What was going on right? I feel like in Texas, we kind

of, I don't want to say like ran in the streets, but like we, I

feel like Texas, we the only thing that I can remember is us

just being outside day and night and it's just me and you and

like some of the kids that we were hanging out with.

And I feel like we were just constantly just like walking

somewhere or going, going to one of our friends, our friends

places and like I don't like ever really remember.

We had too much freedom when we were in that situation with

someone there. I, you know, as a child, as a

kid, you need structure. And in that time frame we did.

We did whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted and whatever.

I mean, yeah, I agree with you on that.

I definitely agree with you on that.

We definitely were doing whatever we wanted, which can

sound fun from the outside looking in, but that dynamic of

it, at a certain point it gets not fun, right?

Right. At a certain point, you hit, why

does nobody care? That's how I used to feel like

we're out here doing whatever we want.

And it's like, why does nobody care?

Like we're literally just out here.

Nobody cares. Nobody's checking up on us.

We're in these random states. Like where is everybody at?

You know, where is everybody at that knows us?

Or why is everybody OK with this happening, right?

All the adults that were supposed to be there, like I

feel like as kids we basically it was like, honestly, just me

and you. I don't.

I remember as kids it was like me and you, but I don't really

remember ever. I don't know.

It was more of like just taking care of us and then each other

really. And that wasn't like a long time

frame either. And we were younger.

I, we are going to get into so much on this podcast, guys like,

I think there's going to be people who can listen in and

relate on this. I think there's going to be

people that maybe there's going to be people that don't want to

listen to it, you know, and there it's if you listen to it

and it hits you. There's a reason we're doing

this and it's not just for us, like I've said, but as we're

talking about Texas really quick, I want to give a shout

out to Nae Nae and if she ever hears this.

I still have the book that we made.

Kaylin, do you remember making that book we wrote like our

dreams and all that? I, we did not have a lot of

things as kids and with moving around so much, you know, you

see, I see people now who are, are even older.

They can be like 40 years old and still have something from

their childhood. And I'm like, what?

There are people that keep their baby clothes and stuff like

that. And Kellen, obviously your

mindset has transitioned and the mom that you are.

But the one thing I kept throughout all the states, all

the moves, all the chaos is that book with Nae Nae.

I don't know why, but I remember when we wrote it, we knew we

weren't going to stay in that state and we that's who we hung

out with. I just remember we knew we

weren't going to stay and we made that book and I kept it all

this time because, you know, people can I love.

That and you talked about it, you talked about it before too,

and I think it's so sweet that there's something that you were

able to like take from from it and still have because you're

110% right. Like I feel like, you know, baby

pictures or things that some people are able to like take

with them into their adulthood. I feel that's why I treasure

everything if my kids like I literally kept everything of my

kids stuff like from the time I found out I was pregnant tell

now I'll always have it because I'm very very protective of not

losing anything. Their baby pictures, their baby

book, the outfits that they wore home from the hospital, the

shoes that they wore home from the hospital.

Like literally they're the umbilical cord click.

Like the little bracelet that they wore on their wrist.

It's making me. Tear off right now.

Like that I know, like I literally kept all of it because

I don't even care if I kept it. And they're like, why would you

keep that? It's it's because I just am

very, very protective of her because I don't have any of

that. I don't have any and I don't.

No, you do, Adrian. But I.

Do want to say like as you're sharing this about the kids

growing up in chaos and moving, and like I said with moving, for

us, our moving look different. Other people move around and it

looks different. And maybe you can relate if you

were a military kid or just anything like that.

Not that it's bad scenarios, but it still effects you, right?

So healing with what you're sharing, it's like hitting me

because very heavily because obviously how close we are and

just the dynamic of everything because you're not just keeping

pictures and shoes and whatever blankets, everything that you

have for the kids, it's not just about that.

You're giving them something that we never had and that's a

home. No matter where you live,

whether it's an apartment, a house, a trailer, an RV,

whatever, those kids are never going to feel how we have felt

our entire lives with not having a home.

Like home isn't a building. It's not a place, a building, a

home, a building and a bedroom can give you comfort, but that's

not your home, your family who you spend it with, that's your

home. Because if your family up and

moved and you have a good dynamic, you're going to

probably move with them. You know, not all the time,

obviously, but I. Did want to mention something

else. Just with the moving and moving

around a lot, we didn't just leave.

We didn't just leave schools and friends and family or whatever.

We were leaving in that state. We left everything, when I tell

you everything behind, literally there wasn't barely a single

thing, but a little bag that we've had that we took with us.

So when we say like not only just having baby thing, but baby

things are literally anything. We started completely over

completely new with everything. Clothes, shoes, socks,

toothbrushes, like it. It literally doesn't matter.

Like half the time we wouldn't even take that.

Like, we'll just, you know, we, we were just, you know, just,

oh, we'll buy everything new whenever we get there.

So like, I feel like, you know, yeah.

It was really hard, you know, I think too, when we were moving

to different States and making friends.

I think as a kid for me, and I'm assuming, assuming I probably

shouldn't assume, but that you probably felt the same way

because as we're making friends, a lot of the schools or wherever

we were, the friends that we were making, we got to see the

life and that they had, you know, and it was really hard

because here we are starting over again and trying to make

friends with in the back of our head, knowing this isn't going

to last long. We're not going to be here long.

Seeing the stability as a kid, I, I didn't look at it like,

wow, they're, they have so much stability in their life.

It was more of like, wow, like our we're going to move again

soon where this friendship isn't going to last.

I'm going to have to say bye. You know.

And I do. Remember, go.

Oh, sorry, no. No, go ahead, I so I do.

Remember going over to a friend's house and I will never

forget it because I it, it wasn't even just about being

jealous over it, but they have this toy box or, and on their

wall or it was either their door or their wall.

Their mom when they were a baby, took their handprints, put it in

paint and their handprints were like all over the walls from

their baby. And whenever I was going over

there, I think it was like 1415 and I was like, wow, like that's

so crazy. And so that's something that I

want to just do with my kids. And I'll never forget that

because I still to this day want to do that with.

So yeah, I remember thinking to myself, whenever I have kids,

that's something I want to do with the handprints and stuff

because I was like, I want to do that for my kids because I

thought that it was so cool that they had that because I'm like

that we just didn't. We just didn't have any of that.

And yeah, Killeen, I think like in a moment like that, because I

also, you know, felt ways like that in certain scenarios.

I think looking in the lens of where I'm at now and looking

back in that moment, it seems like, Oh my gosh, you know,

that's so cool. We don't have that.

But now looking back, that wasn't just a hamper on a wall

that's making me tear up. That wasn't just a hamper on a

wall. That was us walking in and

seeing what it would look like if somebody cared for us the way

they were cared for. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like that is somebody that loves their kids and I want to be.

I also want to touch on this while I'm saying that because

it's not that if anyone in our life didn't love us or

situations that we were in because they didn't love us,

there's a lot of times you don't know how, you just simply don't

know how, even with, you know, moving a lot and having to

restart. We, we learned that.

I mean, we, that's how we grew up.

We learned that it's not just that we're here now where we're

at in our lives and now we have stability and now we've made a

life for ourselves. We had to unlearn that dynamic

and sit with ourselves and killing.

I've seen you do it with the kids and your family that you

have now. It's like we had to sit there

and unlearn so many things that we were taught because growing

up in bad things or even if it's a work dynamic.

Now, if anyone's listening and it's a work dynamic, there's any

any scenario you can use that it's bad you have and you go

into a new job, Say I'm working at McDonald's and I'm having a

terrible experience. The management is terrible.

My Co workers, we're not seeing eye to eye on our work ethic.

The communication's off with the customers.

Whatever you may have it that could put in mind apply at

McDonald's again. If I wouldn't applied at another

McDonald's after experiencing that dynamic at a certain one

when I walked into a new McDonald's, I would have to

relearn. Now I'm in good management now

there's a good crew. Now I'm talking to the customers

differently because I'm in the environment's different.

It's still McDonald's, but everything has shifted.

And I, that's how I'm explaining it.

Because if you look at it like a job or any scenario relation,

like I said, I mean, the horizon's huge on examples or

real life scenarios, but we had to do that simple McDonald's

scenario is what we had to do with our entire life.

You know what I'm saying, right? Yeah, right.

Right. Right.

So I don't know why I said like that.

I was like, right, Right, No. But yeah, I just.

Yeah, right, right, right. With the handprints thing,

though, Kayleen, I was, I guys, I am a crier and I tear up.

I could literally see a bird walking across the street and

see how happy it's walking and probably tear up about how

amazing it is that that bird is just happily walking across the

road because it's so beautiful. Like it's a little things in

life that people miss. They let it swish by them.

Something as simple as a bird. It's just so incredible.

I don't know how to explain it. I just, I'm in awe.

But anyways, oh, go ahead you go.

OK, I also feel like it's kind of nostalgic because now that we

are older and closer, I feel like we're able to come

together. And, you know, you're obvious.

I was going to say like you're a part of like me and Jared love

you to death. Like we love you so much and we

love like I don't, I don't want to say a part of our family, but

but like whenever you come to visit and stuff, it's it's feels

like we're missing a piece of our like little family because

me and you are like our little family is just us.

Like I always say the family, like I said before, the family

you create is definitely more important than the family that

you come from. But with that being said, I feel

like I have my little family, but when you come to visit and

we're able to do Christmas together and stuff like that,

it's nostalgic because I feel like we're reliving our our

lives through the. Kids.

The kids like we get to do Christmas and we get to do

crafts and stuff like that. The stuff that we didn't get to

do as kids, I feel like I'm we're able to do that with them.

And so we're kind of able to relive our childhood through our

our little ones. And that's why this is the way

that they have the power to heal us is something only God can do.

I truly think the kids have completely changed me as a

person. And see you guys, I'm like

literally tearing up right now. Like with the handprint thing

when I came and visited and we did handprints and I couldn't

fit it in my suitcase or something.

I can't even remember. And you mailed it out to me and

I have it hanging up in my room and I look at it all the time.

It it's something that seems so simple, but I can wake up and

feel, oh, wow, I don't want to do this day.

And I look at that and it's like we finally have what we always

wanted. And I mean, it's healing.

And wow, look at us go yeah. Literally.

I'm just kidding, you know. And I think that like even the

bracelet that you had got me, it says something and it says

always my sister, forever my friend.

Yes, it's a bracelet, but it's also the quote that I feel like

means so much to me. I'm all I've always said.

And I definitely think that it does have a lot to do with the

way that we grew up. And and I'm a more of a

sentimental gift giver and I'd and receiver.

I would rather I told, you know, my I told my husband this all

the time. I would rather you I would

sorry. I would rather you like write me

a note or something that's from the heart that I get to keep

forever and I can go back and reread the note rather than

getting like an expensive gift or I'm I'm more of like a what's

the word for it that like the five, the five of languages.

Yeah, it for me. It's.

Definitely I can't remember, but for me what whichever 1 is like

a cement sentimental gift gifts is mine.

And like I, I feel like that is because of us moving around so

much, just having to leave everything.

It's literally just the I, the little things that mean so much

to me now. Like I, I still believe, like if

somebody, I'm not even kidding you, if somebody wrote me a note

and mailed it to me, I would like my, my heart would be like.

So. Happy I I think it's the

sweetest thing ever. I think about doing it with my

friends or just family, just writing them a note and mailing

it to him. Like not texting, not calling

like the old fashioned like off because I don't know I just it.

Just means more. And I think Kayleen, I think

when we're giving given something, it hits us a little

differently because we didn't get to experience that before.

And I had someone, there's someone in my life that makes me

coffees and they had given me a Mason jar and it meant so much

to me. I know it sounds so insane, but

if you get it, you get it. The Mason jar, the dishes were

full and the Mason jar was sitting on top and I

accidentally knocked the Mason jar off and it broke and I

literally cried because that it's just a Mason jar.

But it's not because it's a Mason jar.

It's because the person that gave it to me means so much to

me. You know what I'm saying, right?

Yeah, that I was. Like, Oh my gosh, like this

meant so much to me. And I could have ten other Mason

jars, but that one was like, Oh my gosh, I I didn't have 10

other Mason. Jars, yeah, things just

definitely just mean more to, you know, and it's.

Not that it's even a materialistic thing.

It's simply the fact that when somebody gives us something, it

just holds such a powerful value because it's like the handprints

on the wall that we talked about.

It's someone that cares for you. It shows and it's not it.

And I'm not talking about gifts. I don't think either of us are

talking about gifts. We're talking about when

somebody gives something meaningful to you.

I mean, it's meaningful. It's not just or even doing.

It first time I like the like the right like.

Getting you a pizza that. Right.

I think even that's a great example.

Somebody getting you a pizza. It's like we're like, Oh my

gosh, you bought me a pizza? Like, I know it sounds insane,

but do you know how much that means that somebody would be

like, hey, I'm going to buy you a pizza?

Yeah. I know like went out of their

way use their money to get right.

I I feel like we're just very thankful as well.

And I and A lot of people are thankful when they get something

or receive something or anything like that.

It just we literally go through our walk to the store to get

snacks or from the gas station. I feel like you just appreciate

they going through just any stuff like that in general.

I feel like just makes you very, very thankful for the things

that you do have and the things that you do get and you just

appreciate things a lot more for sure, right.

And. I think to Kayleen like going

deeper in our lives, being homeless.

I heard AI heard a quote one time or I wouldn't say a quote.

A guy had said it to me. I can't even remember what we

were talking about. And he said the best seasoning

for food is hunger. And it took me back to a couple

scenarios in my teenage years. I remember one time I was so

hungry, Kayleen like and whoever's listening like this is

a real life scenario. I was so hungry I didn't eat for

like 2 days and in this time frame it was a couple years I

was struggling with money. I was a teenager.

A landlord helped me out. I was 17.

He let me live in an apartment. Even though you have to be 18 it

will go more in depth with all this later.

My point is, I get in through my apartment door just so I could

have light. And there was a time where I

just, I couldn't afford food and I was trying to work.

I was trying to make ends meet. I was trying to figure it out.

And I remember I went to work one day and there was this girl

and I went up to her and I was like, do you have any food?

When I tell you, I went over into the area where all the

traffic, where there was no traffic of people and how fast I

eat and how hungry I felt. I, that kind of feeling sucked.

I, I mean, it sucked even being homeless and sleeping outside.

Those things suck and it makes you so much more grateful when

you have something and it you. And let me be clear, that is my

experience. So whoever is listening, it

doesn't have to be to that extreme.

That was my extreme, unfortunately, but yours could

look differently. And we're sharing our

experiences and the extreme and the depths of it.

But I also, we're also speaking to you.

So I just want to be very clear on that.

Just because it looks like this for me or Kayleen, doesn't mean

you wouldn't be affected by something just as heavily.

Even though it looked differently, you still matter

and your situation still matters.

So I just wanted to say that. But yeah, with what we're

sharing, I with the stuff that we, I think that I wake up every

day thankful because I do feel like it gave us a gift of

gratitude. And that's not something you

just go shouting around, you know, you're not like, oh, life

made me have gratitude. No, that is not it.

When I'm speaking on gratitude and the reason it can, even if

you're listening right now and it sounds like that, it's

because when me and Killeen talk, I mean, we go in and so

we're also talking, me and Killeen are also talking to each

other, obviously. So we feel the same way about a

lot of things because, you know, we endured, even though if we

weren't together or anything like that, we also endured the

same things and other or anything like that, we still got

hit by the storm. So we are going to be wrapping

this episode up shortly because we're going to start the next

one. Kayleen, I wanted to say give a

little intake on Texas and then that we're going to talk about

in a later episode. So if you guys want to hear it,

hopefully you come back for the next episode.

When we were in Texas, we had got close with the family.

I mentioned this earlier in North Carolina.

The situation in Texas escalated very quickly.

I mean, I don't know where. I feel like Texas was great.

I feel like we were doing good. And I mean, we were living in a

one bedroom apartment with a mom and her son and that was crazy.

Whatever, you know, I kind of get used to Oh, wow, this is

what's happening. You feel you feel very out of

place, right? You're going into somebody

else's home. You already know because you

have all these all this, all the states behind you, all this

moving, all this. So you already kind of walk into

a situation you're like, Oh my gosh, like I felt uncomfortable.

I felt like we intruded. I felt like we were intruders a

lot. I felt like we did not belong.

We never had a home really. So when we were moving and in

Texas it really hit me. I was like we are intruding on

this woman and her son. That is how I felt.

I felt very uncomfortable. I felt like we just did not

belong there. Bringing 3 girls, the person we

were with going into this one bedroom apartment in their life,

we had nothing. We had nothing.

It I felt like we were intruders and that family from North

Carolina drove to come get us in the situation.

I'm not going to go too in depth about it because like I said,

we're not exploiting anybody, but there was obviously

something that happened to the point where people from a whole

nother state drove to come get us.

Yeah, like so over. 20 hours to be exact, I'm pretty sure from

North Carolina to Texas. I think it's it was a long drive

because I remember the drive back from Texas and we were all

like squished up in a small car. And that right there, and this

is how we're going to end this episode.

In those moments, I was so lost. I was so depressed, you know,

and even though me and Kelly were in it together, I didn't

even feel like we were connected.

I think we were both trying to figure out what is going on in

our own ways or try to process. We didn't even know how to

process. I don't even think we were able

to process anything until we got older because we never had time.

We never had time to just sit. There was always something

happening. Always.

We didn't have a bedroom we could run to.

We didn't have a parent we could run to, you know, our friends

were all over the United States on the Midwest.

Like it just didn't have like, who do you go to?

What do you do? You know, it gives you a very

unstable feeling. So to end this episode, I am

going to speak. You heard all the feelings and

what how those are very strong feelings.

It's very easy to sit here right now and be like, oh, you know, I

was sad in that moment for anybody.

Whatever you're dealing with, it's very easy for people to

hear. Oh, I was sad.

But when you're dealing with that behind the scenes, it's

heavy. It feels like a metal plate is

on you in the middle of an ocean.

But let's, let's switch it. And looking back at that, what a

blessing it was that there were people from a whole nother state

that drove to come get us out of a situation, right?

And that's hope. That right there is hope.

Yeah, because like you were saying, yes, mean, I feel like

was like a hope state. But as well, I do feel that

there were times in other places that we had been where there was

at least some something along the lines where it kept on

feeling like hopeless, hopeless, hopeless, like, And it's like,

OK, you know, at least at least these people cared enough during

that time to literally drive their own car all the way.

I need to look and see how far because I, I'm pretty sure it's

like a 20 hour drive or something like that.

Definitely far. I use GPS to get to Walmart so I

can help you there. So guys, we are going to

conclude this episode and we hope to see you on the next one.

And we're really glad for whoever's following us listening

to us. Get sidetracked listening to us

converse and we're just doing it naturally because we're with

each other and I think just instantaneously killing when

we're together or even on FaceTime.

What easygoing place mentally with everything that it's just,

you know, you guys. Thanks for listening to us.

I guess now you guys are kind of part of our FaceTime calls.

So we will see you on the next podcast.

Alrighty. See you all.

The briefing