When parents become strangers Pt. 2

All right guys, looks like you joined us back for episode 2 of

this series series. What the heck, I don't even

know. I didn't know what to say.

So that's. What I did correct, you did a

great job. Thanks for joining us for the

music video. No, I'm.

What was I thinking earlier? I.

Can't. Oh yeah, you were you were

singing too. I.

Was like their heart. And soul.

I was like, I went down South to.

And then you were singing it like a grown man.

Oh that is so funny. All right, guys.

So we kind of left off on triggers on the last episode.

So I'm going to let Kayleen talk more about that.

Kayleen, you kind of talked about when you seen a certain

car and stuff like that. So anything that correlated with

you that with what I was sharing, because like we said in

the last episode, guys, we hit a point where we're probably going

to go back and talk about shared experiences, but we're also have

so much where we didn't have shared experiences.

So that's where we're at on things.

So Kayleen, hey, hey, hey, dude. So dude, hey, tell me about your

trauma. What was the worst?

When did you really, really like?

What was the deepest moment that you felt sad?

Tell me about that. Whenever I was like in a corner

crying in the room by myself. Oh, that's good.

Tell me more. I'm just kidding.

But Kaylene. So I kind of talked about like

anger and stuff like that. I don't know what was surfaced

and when you were living with toothbrush because I wasn't

there. So is there anything You don't

even have to talk about that if you don't want.

You can talk about anything you want.

I I feel like I was saying in the last 1, I feel like mine was

more of a protecting and defending kind of thing for a

very, very long time. And whenever I had got court

ordered to move in with shoe and saw there was just like with

you, there was things being said to me.

And so instead of dealing with everything that happened when

living there, I felt like I was more defending than I or yeah,

like the situations because I'm like that never happened.

Or they would say things that was just straight up not true.

Or I tell my husband that all the time.

I'm like, if they said things that was true, I would agree

with them. I would I'd be like, yeah, that

that happened. But there's just things that was

being said. I'm like, how would you know?

Now? You weren't there, so how would

you know? Right, just blatantly lying,

but. Like yeah, like just saying

things that was yeah, like just my.

True. I like what you're saying.

Killing because you're not protecting, you're defending the

truth. There's a very fine line.

I love that. That's actually.

Really good. Exactly.

Yeah. So I can share some experiences

that actually happened living there.

Sorry, the way you said it. I know because I'm like, how do

you, how can somebody say something when they weren't

there? You know, somebody's like, I

haven't talked to them in 20 years.

But then they'll tell you their whole life story like you can't

have it. It's either one or the other.

And it's something, yeah, yeah, I agree with you.

Something simple. Like, oh.

You haven't talked to this person, to me, just blatantly

going to someone and be like, oh, they ate pizza last night

and that never even happened. Just blatantly lying.

But yeah. Right, right.

So I know that you had shared a little bit of your experiences

on the other end when we were, you know, teenagers at that

point, like we said, we had in the stricter household and then

we got separated at that point. So we had a lot of experiences

together. And I think I was about 13 or 14

when I decided that I was going to move in with the freedom

parent, which I think I've explained before anyways.

So while I was living there, everything, everything was good

at first. It really was, umm, you were

coming in to visit still, I would say about the third move

because we had lived in the apartment.

Oh, I was about to say town or something, right?

Oh, crud. Oh yeah.

Never mind, wrong apartment. Right, Right.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You're thinking of the right one.

Well, there was another one with like a little pole in the

middle. OK, but anyways, go ahead.

I don't know, do you? Remember the one where there was

somebody like you go upstairs and then there we were on the

left side and then there was an apartment on the right side, but

it was like a house kind of thing.

Do you remember that? Place when?

When there's a picture. I'll send you your picture.

Yeah, I think I do. I can't remember though.

I'm kind of. There's a picture and I'll send

it to you after after I explained so that way I can show

you which one I'm talking about. OK, yeah.

But anyhow, anyhow, so yeah, you were visiting still and I felt

like everything was was going pretty good and stuff like that.

And then like I said, things had went downhill pretty quickly.

We had moved with a I'm going to talk about the the 2nd place we

had moved with a family. It was, how do I say this?

It was a woman and then she, I think, had two or three children

of her own and. Oh yeah.

OK, right, You know what to talk about.

Just just say T Is it T? Yeah, it's T Yeah, just say T

OK, so full name. So just say T, right?

Yes, yes 'cause you were still visiting at that point as well.

I and then we had moved one more time and that's the house that

you had stopped visiting at. Cause anyways, so we were living

with and heard her babies during that time.

Everything again was going well. And then things had went

downhill. We were young.

So it's not as though we can sit and say like, Oh yeah, this is

exactly whenever it started happening.

We just know whenever it had gotten to the point where it was

bad because things would happen where there was hospital visits

and stuff like that, that's when we finally were like, oh, OK, so

it's, it's going this way again. Instead of going up, it's going

back down. Umm, And I think maybe I was

living there. Umm, I don't know if you were

living there or if you were visiting.

I honestly, yeah, you had, I think you were visiting and

yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, umm, then we had gotten

kicked out of there and we moved again.

Feeling so? And.

You were living there and then shoe and sock would bring us to

there. Yeah, yeah.

I'm just wondering. There and I wanted to ask you

did like shoe ever like hug you and stuff when we got dropped

off or like. No, I didn't.

I didn't see them at all like. Because I don't remember a lot

and certain things. So I was just, I was just

wondering, sorry, you can keep going.

I was just like, no, no thinking.

Because as you're sharing, as you're sharing like I'm trying

to remember some stuff because I'm, I feel like I'm struggling

to remember. So I'm like, I was just thinking

like if we were coming and visiting, I was just wondering

if shoe like ever was like, Hey, you know, I love you or just

something like. That no every time that you had

gotten dropped off the only drop off that no two times because I

had went out there and talked to shoe and that was right after

the T situation. So we had got OK, we were living

in the apartment, moved out of there because toothbrush had met

tea moved in there, y'all were still visiting there and then we

got kicked out of there for reasons.

And so we moved into the house that I was going to talk about.

That was the house where I was talking about.

There was like no electric. There was just like a mattress

on the living room floor. It was kind of more like just

the house where people came in and owl and I wouldn't say it

was like a party house, but it it was just a house where people

just came and partied. Kind of that was the house where

I had went out and talked to shoe because I remember you had

stopped coming, which I'm not sure if you fully remember, but

or if I I might be saying this wrong too.

Like I said, my memories kind of blurred and fogged up but this

is like from what maybe I hadn't remembered you had stopped

coming 1st and then I had went out to shoot one day and I said

I don't think that y'all should come back over there because you

know, I just don't think it was like the best environment.

And I had stayed and I do think that day Shoe had asked me like

if I wanted to come with them and I said no, I'm going to stay

here. I do think that was the last

time I had talked to Shoe because I was explaining like I

said the situation we were living in and I was like I don't

think it's a good idea that they come back.

And yeah, like I said, asked if I wanted to come and I was like,

no, I'm going to stay back. Because then again, I felt like

I needed to stay, protect, you know, and hopefully try to fix

that situation. You know, I kind of felt like

like I was hoping that my hope throughout all of staying there

was just that I could fix the situation and hopefully like

change the person. But I dragged myself kind of

down in the long run, which we'll get into that too.

Like what I mean by that, but living there, I was in a

relationship kinda at that time. I mean, I was young.

I would say it was more of a friendship.

And so they had moved in as well.

And we're just going to call them see.

And so they were into some bad stuff.

And so I just kind of felt like that whole situation when living

there, like just honestly, people were in and out.

There's a lot of drinking going on.

There's a lot of partying going on.

I wasn't in school. I wasn't going to school anyway.

Yeah. And I, I think that's when I

really started to feel alone too.

And I, I didn't want to talk to Shoe, although I didn't go with

them, but they really didn't want anything to do with me

because of the decision I made to stay back.

And then, yeah, I just kind of felt early alone during that

time. I felt like I didn't have

anybody to talk to. I didn't know anybody.

I wasn't going to school during that time, so I didn't really

have any friends. I had friends that was like

surrounding the neighborhood, but that was about it.

And like I was saying, it was just not really good and say

they weren't good people. I mean, I made a lot of good

friends along the way. Good people can.

Just make bad decisions. Yeah, yeah.

Doesn't mean they're. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, also I did want to mention 90% of the time we didn't have a

car either because there was just a lot of involved.

And so we kind of either walked everywhere we wanted to go or

which I'm laughing, but it really wasn't like it's not

funny at that. Time and I know I'll never

forget when we had a I don't know if you had a friend too.

I know one of my friends was with us and the toothbrush was,

I don't even know what was going on man.

Like drove through all the neighbors houses.

I'm laughing right now guys, but it's really not funny.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, I know. But I will never forget like hit

the mailbox and my friend. Appalled that you're like.

You know, yeah. It's like looking back, it's

like what? What was going on?

But Keeling, I think you were in the passenger seat, but I could

be wrong. Driving through all the

neighbors how like yards hit that mailbox and my friend where

were we were you with us? Hit the mailbox and my friend

was. Literally like.

I was my friend was like Adrian, there's a mailbox like hit the

mailbox and my friends like cracking up.

She's like, dude, the mailbox and it's like smashed against

the window. I'm like, Oh my God, it's just

so, so embarrassing. You have a friend over

toothbrush is washed and then my friends like on the floor, you

know, we didn't have like pans and stuff.

So we're like cooking with a what do you say?

What do you call that? Like the flat metal thing.

We put it on top of the stove to cook with that like cooking tray

or whatever. And I.

Don't know what? To say yeah I don't know what to

call it but. Like the pan?

Like the cookie pan? Yeah, like, yeah, like the

cookie pan that you put cookies on.

We had cookies. Yeah.

Anyways, we put pizza rolls and cooked with that on top of the

stove. And he like just blasted and my

friends laughing on the floor and he's like standing there

like, you know, the wobbling like.

Yeah, like, yeah. Turtle, turtle.

And I was like that. I'm never inviting anybody over

to this house again, OK anyways. Yeah.

No, no, no, Adrian. Some reason no I?

Love, I want you to share like too, because I like listening to

stories. Well, not really stories like

our life like and things that you had went through.

I think sometimes like we joke around and like laugh, but at

the same time it's really not funny because it's like

something very serious. But I feel like me and you,

sometimes we do that because it's yeah, like make light of

it. Even though it was something

very traumatic, I had realized when finally the day I will

never forget this day that everything really hit me.

And I will go into further stories and more.

But I'm just going to share this story because it just popped in

my head on the day that I feel like I truly realized, like I

don't think I'm going to be able to save.

I love them. I spent a lot of time with them.

I really did. But at the same time, I am going

to share like the day that, like I said, that I realized this is

probably going to be an ongoing thing.

We were driving down the road and it was raining one day.

And at the time, I didn't know that toothbrush had been

drinking. And so there's a cop that was

behind us, turned their lights on.

I think I was like 15 at the time and I didn't mean to laugh,

but and there was a cop behind us and we get pulled over

toothbrush is like we need to switch seats.

And I was like, what are you talking about?

I think I have warrants. I was like, what are you talking

about? So I switched seats.

Maybe I had been 16. I had to have had my permit, but

I feel like I was younger. I don't know.

Anyways, they come over, the cop comes up to the window and

talking to us and they only asked for my ID and I had given

it to him. So that's why I'm feeling like

you get your permit at 16, correct?

I can't remember. I think I don't.

I think so, I didn't get my license dollars.

So I don't know. Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot about

that. So yeah, luckily they didn't

check both of ours. They only checked mine.

But we eventually were able to go.

And I was like, sorry. I just, I'm learning how to

drive. It's raining.

It's pouring down rain. And I think, again, the windows

were kind of fogged up. I truly and honestly thought

that they were going to like see us switch seats, but they

didn't. Sorry to the person who puts

over, but yeah, at the time I was like, yeah, like of course

I'll do anything because I didn't want, you know, to like I

just said more of just protecting a lot of the time.

So that's just one, one instance where that happened where I felt

like, you know, I wasn't about to, you know, I don't know.

Yeah, because you got honestly, like you got put in a position

where it's like you just got put in some really terrible

positions. Like, I know you sit here every

day, not even just on the podcast, just in general, like

Adrian, like you went through a lot and this and this killing.

I mean, I, I can't even begin to imagine what you had to deal

with on your shoulders. I mean, it's, it's really hard

because you got to think I'm on the side where all this is

happening. But at the same time, I'm

watching you get treated the way you were getting treated too.

And I may not have been in the situation with you, but I went

through enough to know, like with toothbrush, to know it

wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, You know what I'm

saying? Like, right.

It wasn't like you were there. And I was just like, oh,

Killian's good. No, in the back of my head, I

had resentment for sought because it's like, how are you

not fighting for this? Like, yeah.

But I guess, I mean, there was. I don't know how it would have

looked if you would have stayed anyway, because you see how it

went with me. So I I don't think you staying

would have. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know.

But go ahead. Right.

Like as much as I would like to say like if you would have

stayed or if I would have went, but at the same time, it's like

even if you would have stayed, you see the outcome of my life

now. And it's like, I mean, I'm

grateful. I'm grateful for where I'm at.

But at the same time, you know, in that time frame, I wouldn't

want to see you go through that. I don't, you know, I don't even

want to know what it will look like.

Yeah, and and you either and that's what I like coming

together and sharing, you know, things that's like one thing out

of many. I mean even just a few things

that we have shared on here. There's just like you said, so

much that happened and yeah, like that day for me, I just, I,

I just was like, which I'm not going to lie, like as a

teenager, you kind of, I don't want to say it's cool.

It's not at all like looking back on it.

It's more of the freedom. It's more of I was able to go do

what I wanted. I was sneaking out of the house

for 2-3 days out at the time. Well, I wouldn't even say

sneaking out. I just walked through the front

door but. Sorry, no.

This is the way I said that I was like because I mean most

kids have to like go through their window or something.

I just literally walked through the front door and I would like

leave for a day or two. It was like you were living

without a room. Right.

Well, yeah. And also during the time where I

was kind of leaving a lot, there was an ankle monitor on

toothbrush and I would like test the limits and I would like

toothbrush would be following me and I would be like, well, you

can't come get me. And I would kind of like, you

know, do things like that. But I was like, all right, I'll

be, I'll be home in a day or two.

And then I'll just, you know, we didn't have a car and there was

an ankle monitor on. So I mean, I, I really just

would leave. I was going to the clubs.

I was using a fake ID to get into the clubs I was hanging out

with. Honestly, sometimes looking back

on it, I'm like, I don't even know what those people, people

were doing hanging out with somebody my age at that time

anyways because, I mean, it's kind of odd.

But yeah. So that's a few things like that

happened there, too. Yeah.

And I never really, which I know that there was like trust there

as well, where they're like, you're a good kid, I know you're

going to come back. But at the same time, while we

were talking a few podcasts ago, it was just never getting a text

like are you OK or when are you going to be home?

I mean, I, I was gone sometimes days at a time, sometimes I

would walk to school and then I would stay in like first period

and then I would just leave. I I just really like didn't

have, you know, why Hey, why weren't you in school or Hey,

where are you? Hey, are you OK?

You know, things like that. And then like you on the flip

side, you had which we equally had both, you know, but the

we're like just talking about situations that were separate

right now. But there's a lot of things that

happened with both of us and shoe and sock and things that

both happened with toothbrush. I mean, honestly, we could sit

and write so many different things that had happened, you

know? It makes me sad because talking

about it and like looking back at that time, I feel like so

much of me, like guys, sock and shoe are were very, very

manipulative. And they have a way of, you

know, I can be sitting there looking at a plate of spaghetti

and they have a way of telling me that there's no sauce on it

and making my mind question, even though there is sauce on

it. They have this way of, yeah,

twisting and manipulating. With that being said, I feel

when it came to Killeen and toothbrush, I already had my own

feelings about toothbrush. I didn't need to be told that

day in and day out. And I also didn't need to be

treated the way I was because of toothbrush.

And that's me standing my ground at this point in my life because

that's just what it is. But at the same time, neither

did Killeen didn't deserve to be treated the way and killing

didn't get deserved to be made out to be this person because of

the simple fact that she lived with toothbrush and right,

that's just straight facts and right.

Yeah. It's just not fair.

Like you're sitting here going through all this stuff and

instead of everyone around being able to be like looking at the

bigger picture, you got made out to be this person, which would

make anybody feel crazy. You're dealing with all of this

and you just shared a couple things.

That's not even like. I mean, there's so much that I'm

sure you that's not even like dipping your foot in the water.

And it's like, yeah, you know what I'm saying?

And. That was whenever I had first

moved there. That's not like because you got

to think that was 3-4 year period.

That's all what happened Whenever I had first moved

there. Somewhere along the lines, it

went so downhill that I didn't have a choice anymore.

I wasn't. The court said no, like you are

moving with shoe and shoe and sock, you know, like they had

gotten to that point. So yeah, that was like just the

star of everything. Why?

I had just shared, you know, sorry, No, you're.

Fine. I think it's just like sad

because I'm in like what's going through my brain right now is

just like you needed protected. I mean, like I am saying like a

lot like like you needed protected and instead of that

you got attacked. You got attacked and you got

made out to be this person when in reality, anybody would defend

when you were put in position you were.

And it's so obviously we can go into that because when it comes

to the defending thing that we've talked about, there's so

much that happened with sock and shoe that made you that way.

It's not like it was just you felt that way.

There was so much that happened and it's just sad to hear some

stuff because looking back and where I was at, even though

because I wasn't there, honestly, Kayleen, I'm going to

be completely honest, I spent a lot of years like really, really

sad and I cried a lot and I felt I carried a lot of guilt because

if I would have stayed that day when I walked and got back in

the car with sock and chew, I feel like.

That is not your and I feel the same with you.

It's neither like that's why we I feel like we are where we are.

We were both put in a very, very tough situation, especially as

children. And there's just no way that we

could have been that really. And honestly, and and I don't

want to say I would have rather you have went that day, but at

that time, yes, I, I was like, this is not a place where, you

know, I really and honestly just trying to stay.

And I at that time, like, I had no idea where you were heading

into at all, Like. Yeah, but at the same time,

Kayleen, same because I could have stayed.

I mean, I was older than the other person.

But sorry I don't know what to say but.

No, it's OK. It just, yeah, looking back, I

think like revisiting this and like talking with you about it

on this kind of level, it is sad.

And yeah, I just wish that people that still attack today

could put their claws away and just listen, right.

And instead of coming into a calm environment, like put their

claws away and just listen and not come in there full blown

attacking, you know, because you deserve more than that.

You deserve to be listened to and heard.

And you too, you know, it's just whenever I was trying to explain

things, it's like, no, this happened.

No, it didn't. I can explain to you they I was

never asked what what happened, what really happened.

Are you OK? Like, never.

It was like jabbing all the time and meeting me and like, no,

that didn't happen. Oh, well, you're defending.

Yeah, No, I'm not. You're just saying things that

just did not happen. You're just saying things that

really didn't happen. And like I said before, I I

don't mind sitting down and having a conversation.

We can have different disagreements on like, you know,

the type of person that somebody is or whatever.

That's fine. But I'm just not going to, you

know, have somebody's character, which, I mean, they do it to

themselves too. I mean, don't do dumb things and

you won't have people saying that you're doing dumb things.

But I mean, I don't know. But honestly, I.

Can sit down and like because I there was just so much that

happens that I was really and honestly love for everybody to

really understand like what actually happened what LED to

things and you know too like you had to go through things as well

and I like there's. Inside there, you too, though,

there's a time and place for you to Share your story and for me

to share mine. And when you're sharing yours, I

want you to solely focus on you because you deserve that,

Keilian. And not everything like, yeah,

stuff happened with me. But when you're sharing, it's

not about me. You know, I'm, I've had my time

to share and will have my time to share.

But when it's with with what you went through, I don't want you

having me in the back of your head.

I want you, you, and just know as you're sharing, I'm sitting

here with you. And anytime that you felt alone

in any of that, you're not alone anymore.

It may be your memories and in your memories you may feel

alone. But that brings us back to

sitting in the room and looking at the tiles.

I'm here with you now. And same with you that says

sweet and same with you. Honestly, with that being with

all of that being said, I'm not going to go into too much which

which I know. I just wanted to say this

because I do want share, but it's so hard for me to really

explain like what had really led to me being court ordered to

move into shoe and socks house. But I can say that, I mean, I

can speak for myself. I had the courts test me and I

had failed. So that's as far as I'm going to

go into that. So.

Kayleen, do you are sorry? Go ahead.

Oh no. No, you're good.

And so that's all I can share much on that.

I, I don't know how I'll say explain that, which I can

explain a little bit more on what I'm talking about.

Just like, like I was saying, I was hanging out with the wrong

people, people and stuff like that.

So. So Kelian, what we'll do.

Let's actually wrap it up right there and we'll pick up on that

in the next episode. OK?

Yeah, that sounds great. And then we'll just go from

there. And guys, thank you so much for

walking this journey with us and listening and just being here

and for Kelian and I and just hearing our story because this

is our life and it made us who we are today.

And we're so grateful to have you guys with us along on this

journey. So Kaylene, I love you.

I love you. All right, bye.

The briefing